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Why does everything happen to me?

Updated: Jan 31, 2023

As human beings we are dependent people and consciously or unconsciously seek for empathy of others. Please note I am not saying that it is bad to have someone's support, to enjoy a hug or the encouragement or the support of someone else - in fact that would make this world better -, however there are also dysfunctional ways.

The drama triangle of the Victim

Albert Ellis *

Three roles are defined in this triangle:

The victim

As you can guess, this is the person who suffers from some unpleasant situation, which happens to all of us, in its dysfunctional form people become addicted to always having the support of others and seek to maximize any situation that happens to them, thus becoming someone who constantly needs the help of others and does not want to get out of his role as a victim.

The rescuer

This person is the one who enables others to get out of the situation they are facing, they however help the other person to continue in their role as "the victim" inadvertly.

I should add my photo from 5 years ago, I obsessively sought to help others. As a result of insisting on helping everyone I got frustrated on several occasions because you can't help those who don't want to be helped and sometimes I shared the pain of my clients.

The Accuser

This is the person who criticizes, blames others, that is controlling, and feels superior to the victim. Although we don't want to admit it, sometimes we also play this role and accidentally hurt people. In its dysfunctional form we talk about people who enjoy or have the need to play this role.

The family

In most cases, behaviors are learned from the same family, let's talk about the roles that can be played from childhood

The 4 roles

As human beings, and especially at an early age, we need attention. This attention should be given by default, but if that's not the case, we might adopt one of the following roles:

Sick - They feel sick all the time and, because the mind is so powerful, they even have symptoms of a cold or allergies among other things

Perfect - Have you noticed me? I do everything perfectly! I try excessively to get only perfect grades.

Wait. and what is wrong with this? well, it's never enough, you can never enjoy your achievements, you always need more to show the world and when something doesn't go our way... it's just so frustrating.

Caregiver - In Marissa Peer's training and especially in my journey as an RTT therapist, I have learned that many times from an early age we have to play roles that do not correspond to us, for example, taking care of siblings.

We grow with that obsession and that need to always be aware of others and to be indispensable.

The difficult one - Other children take on a rebellious role to seek attention or to be rude.

This could lead to aggressive people who refuse to accept the love of other people.

What is your role? How has it affected you? Leave me your comments and

Dare to change your life!

*Albert Ellis fue un psicoterapeuta cognitivo estadounidense que desarrolló la terapia racional emotiva conductual (TREC) a partir de 1955. El señor Ellis defendía que los problemas conductuales y emocionales se pueden dar a partir de tres factores diferentes: el pensamiento, la emoción y la conducta, ya que los pensamientos pueden repercutir en alteraciones psicológicas.

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